As Associated Press's right hand prepares to implement something that looks suspiciously like spyware to protect their intellectual property, here's a freely-embeddable video made available by AP's left hand via their Youtube channel:

When I showed this to my daughter, she wanted to watch it over and over and over and over again. Still doesn't want to eat cucumbers though.

Stuart Clark, Brad Hodge, Bryce McGain and Burt Cockley are among the players left out of Australia's preliminary Gang of 30 for the next International Cricket Cash Cow Tournament (ICCCT).

If Graeme Swann never bowls another ball, let him be remembered for that dipping, inswinging off-break which suckered Australian should-be-captain Michael Clarke on the final morning of the Second Test at the Home of Archery.

An indigenous Western Australian man is recovering in hospital after catching alight while being tasered by police for allegedly sniffing petrol. The man has subsequently been charged with assault.

Australian Asssociated Press takes up the story.

Every time Kevin Pietersen miscues a sweep way outside off, every time Mitchell Johnson bowls a perfect line and length to the feet of second slip, every time Ricky Ponting chops the ball onto his stumps when Australia is in trouble, is a time to remember that cricket is a game for human beings. Umpires are human, umpires make mistakes, more mistakes than we care to notice. And just as umpires who make the odd mistake continue to be chosen, so it is with the players themselves.

Poh, Julie, it's down to this. After 7928 episodes, tonight is the Grand Finale. One of you will become Australia's first Masterchef. As a special treat for tonight's bake-off, we're flying you to the United Kingdom for the London Challenge! We're taking you to the Media Centre at Lord's Cricket Ground for one special assignment.

One Stuart Clark,
There's only one Stuart Clark,
One Stuart Clar-kie,
There's only one Stuart Clar-keeee....

Captain's knocks, you've gotta love 'em. Andrew Strauss was so deep in concentration, watching intently as the swinging ball from Mitchell Johnson took his off stump, no addition to his overnight 161.

Is The World's Second-Best Test All-Rounder (And Third Best Bowler) all washed up? Is his mum a mole (spelling correct) for the England and Wales Cricket Board? Is his karate-ka WAG up for the chop? How else can we explain the worst Australian performance at the Home of Archery since the days of Great Hedley Verity Sticky? Or are Ricky Ponting's captaincy skills to blame for everything?